Embracing Self-Compassion as a Parent
This post on Parenting is written by Maya Bauer, MA
Parenting can be an incredibly fulfilling experience. It can comes with its own set of challenges. When raising a child with mental health challenges, it can be challenging to prioritize your well-being. However, extending support and compassion to yourself is essential to caring for others.
Understanding Self Compassion
Importance of Self Compassion as a Parent
Parents put a lot of expectations and pressure on themselves. Self-compassion means being kind to yourself and accepting that nobody’s perfect. In other words, it is about treating yourself with the same care and understanding you would show to a close friend or family member during tough times.
Parents should aim to be kind and gentle with themselves. Patience and gentleness is not only good for them, but it is also good for their children’s mental health and development!
Less stress and burnout: Parents with higher levels of self-compassion feel less stressed about their role as parents. Being kind and understanding to yourself reduces feelings of parental burnout, which can make you feel more present in your day-to-day activities.
“Being a perfect parent is impossible and attempting to be one can lead to exhaustion… whatever allows parents to recharge their batteries, to avoid exhaustion, is good for children.” — Moïra Mikolajczak
Modeling healthy behaviors: Parents are great models for their children. Modeling self-kindness can help children develop compassion and love toward themselves.
Regulating emotions: Being kind and understanding toward yourself can help you feel more emotionally steady and create a calmer and more consistent atmosphere for you and your children.
Challenges Associated with Practicing Self-Compassion as a Parent
Guilt and blame: Feeling responsible for your child’s difficulties can make you feel guilt and shame. This can make self-compassion difficult.
Perfectionism: Pressure to be perfect can make it feel like any mistake reflects poorly on you as a parent.
Stigma and isolation: Dealing with mental health-related stigma can lead to isolation. Social exclusion can make it difficult to practice self-compassion.
Practical Self Compassion Exercises
Overcoming parental guilt: Acknowledge that feeling guilty is a common and natural element of parenting. Then, recognize the guilt without judgment. Acknowledge that you are trying your best, it is okay to make mistakes, and there is no such thing as a “perfect” parent. Lastly, recognize any mistakes as a universal experience of parenting and an opportunity for growth.
Recognizing and naming your feelings: Accept your feelings without judgment. All your feelings are important and okay to feel. It is okay to feel overwhelmed and unsure as a parent. Acknowledging the feelings is the first step towards managing them.
Practice mindfulness: By practicing mindfulness, you can improve your ability to focus on the present moment, making it easier to treat yourself with kindness. You can achieve this by taking a few minutes to concentrate on your breathing, following a guided mindfulness exercise, or using apps and videos, such as the Mindfulness Coach app.
Seek support: It is perfectly okay to ask for help as a parent! Whether it’s talking to your family and friends or seeking professional support. Parenting is a team effort; getting extra support can make things feel less overwhelming and isolating.
“Self-compassion is like a muscle. The more we practice flexing it, especially when life doesn’t go exactly according to plan (a frequent scenario for most of us), the stronger and more resilient our compassion muscle becomes.” – Sharon Salzberg
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