Co-regulation: Supporting your Child’s Development
This post on co-regulation is written by Janeyshka Ortiz-Flores, MFT
What is co-regulation?
To understand co-regulation, we need to understand self-regulation.
Self-regulation: the ability to manage your emotions and thoughts and control your behaviors in order to achieve your goal. This helps us manage stress and conflicts when they arise!
Co-regulation is an interactive process in which caregivers provide support in regulating with their child through their goal-oriented behavior. Co-regulation fosters self-soothing skills in times of stress.
To successfully co-regulate, caregivers need to consider how they are managing their own emotions and reactions around their child and utilize strategies to regulate and respond effectively in heightened situations. If it is difficult for you to manage some of your anxiety symptoms, then it may also be hard for your child to know how to regulate when anxious.
Modeling healthy coping skills can promote healthy social and emotional development for your child.
How to Co-regulate
Co-regulation can look different for children across all ages, so it’s about what works for you and your child:
Tips on co-regulation:
- First, caregiver needs to self-regulate themselves (i.e., take deep breaths, clear your mind, positive self-talk)
- Get down to your child’s level and approach your child calmly
- Acknowledge/validate and label your child’s emotion (i.e., I can tell that you are mad right now)
- Take a few deep breaths together (i.e., long deep breaths while counting to 3 and repeat until calm)
- Shift their attention to something else/remove them from the stressful situation
- Teach them problem-solving skills by suggesting options
- Find what helps soothe your child and practice together (i.e., meditation, coloring, listening to music)
References:
Cuncic, A. (2018). How to practice self-regulation. Very Well Mind. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/how-you-can-practice-self-regulation-4163536
Lobo, F. M., & Lunkenheimer, E. (2020). Understanding the parent-child coregulation patterns shaping child self-regulation. Developmental Psychology, 56(6), 1121–1134. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0000926
Thompson, Ross A. (November 2009). Doing What Doesn’t Come Naturally: The Development of Self-Regulation. Journal of Zero to Three Vol. 30 No. 2 (pp. 33-39)